remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
