Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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