im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
