My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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