i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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