i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
