i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
