She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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