I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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