I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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