he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
