Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
