I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
