Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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