Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
