Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
is that a dick in a sweater?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
