they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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