I am puke
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
