oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
