I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had sex on a dog bed..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
