i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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