plz talk dirty to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
