I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
