Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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