obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
