im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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