So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
