Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
