I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
