On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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