Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
