I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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