its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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