census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
