Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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