All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
