it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
