I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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