I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
