fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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