Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
