that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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