I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
