Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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