my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
