you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
