Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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