I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
