Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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