I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
