Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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