are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
