No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
