You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
