I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
