there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
