bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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