I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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