I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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