You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
