There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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