i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
