There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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