matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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