So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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