i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
