I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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