Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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