just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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