Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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