idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
