Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
