I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
